A Supremely High Level of "Self Development"

Hoping you are well today… Arlin here…

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Alright let’s dive in…

There’s an expression that says, “Experience is the best teacher.”

In fact, those were my grandfather’s last words to me…

And let me tell you, spiritually speaking, that couldn’t be more true. 

When you haven’t had an experience, it’s unknown to you, and because it’s unknown, it’s naturally a bit scary. You’re naturally apprehensive about it because you’ve never been there—you don’t know what to expect and you don’t know how you’ll handle it. 

But here’s the thing: Life isn’t going to stop giving you new experiences just because you’re afraid of them.

We all live inside ourselves, don’t we? 

And the truth of the matter is, we don’t really know anything. 

We’re just kind of dropped into this world, and we look out, and there’s this massive universe around us. And let’s be honest—it’s uncomfortable because we don’t fully understand how we fit, what’s going to happen next, or if we’ll be okay. 

The indwelling you, the self inside, starts off with a sense that things are not okay. The only things that feel okay are those you’ve already experienced—mom, dad, your house, the familiar faces and places. 

You’ve learned to be comfortable with those. But the things you haven’t experienced? Those are uncomfortable, and they don’t fit inside of you because you haven’t built a model in your mind that includes them yet.

That’s the key right there: You build a model in your mind. 

I used to be obsessed with the idea of ‘mental models’. Which mental model will help me win in life? I’d obsess over this. Mindset is the way to win, I thought…

Now I'm grossed out by it.

That’s because I finally realized that a mental model is simply where your sense of self, your “I,” tends to live. 

You start building this model from a very young age. You expand it as you grow, creating this mental map of what you’re comfortable with and what you’re not. It’s like drawing the boundaries of your comfort zone, and this comfort zone is entirely about what you’ve already experienced and how you’ve dealt with it.

Now, here’s the funny thing: Even if you’re uncomfortable with something, as long as you know about it—say, a friend is a friend, and an enemy is an enemy—you feel some sense of control. 

But if that friend suddenly treats you poorly, or if an enemy starts being nice, you freak out. Why? Because it doesn’t fit into the mental model you’ve built. Your comfort zone isn’t just about what you like or dislike; it’s about what you know and don’t know.

And this, my friends, is why we all try to control our environment so much. We only let certain people into our lives, we stick to familiar routines, and we get weirdly upset when things don’t go according to plan. We eat the same foods we always have in our comfort zone. We don’t say hi to new people because we are comfortable with the people we have. We don’t want to move to a new city because we are comfortable in the city we grew up in.

This is a very limited way to live.

We want the whole world to fit into our comfort zone because that’s where we feel safe. But, as the theme of these emails goes, guess what? The world doesn’t care about your comfort zone. 

It just does its own thing, and you never know what’s going to happen next.

Now, let’s dive deeper. What happens when something outside your comfort zone comes your way? Your immediate reaction is fear, discomfort, and the urge to protect yourself. It’s like you’ve built this shield inside your mind, and when something doesn’t fit, you either have to keep it out or find a way to integrate it. This is where most people get stuck—trying to keep things out that don’t fit, instead of expanding their comfort zone to include new experiences.

Here’s the secret: Instead of trying to control everything around you, focus on expanding your comfort zone. When life hits you with something unexpected, you have two choices: resist it, or learn from it. Resisting it doesn’t make the experience go away; it just makes it linger inside you, creating discomfort and limiting your growth. But if you’re willing to learn from it, your comfort zone expands, and you become a greater being.

Let’s be real. 

You’re not going to create a world where only what you want happens. That’s not how life works. So why waste your energy trying to control everything? Instead, pay attention to what’s happening inside of you when something doesn’t go your way. Notice how your mind reacts, how your emotions flare up. Are you aware that this is happening? Or do you get lost in the reaction, trying to fix or avoid the situation?

This is what it means to be a high level human. A high level human doesn’t lose their sh*t when things don’t go as planned. They don’t get lost in the storm of thoughts and emotions. They stay aware, they stay present, and they learn from every experience. This is why you meditate, why you practice mindfulness. It doesn’t have to be as pretentious sounding as going to God or achieving some higher state (although ultimately it is); it’s simply about staying aware of what’s happening inside of you.

And not letting it destroy you.

Think about it: When something goes wrong, do you get sucked into the drama, or do you stay centered and observe what’s happening inside of you? Most people get lost. So so lost. Me included! They react, they panic, and they try to fix things. But the wise person sees the storm for what it is—a chance to grow, to expand, to learn something new.

Take this into your relationships, your work, your everyday life. If you’re in a relationship and your partner does something that doesn’t fit your model of how things should be, what do you do? Do you get upset and try to change them, or do you learn from the experience and expand your understanding of love and relationships?

Warren Buffett once said, “if you want a miserable life, spend it trying to change your spouse.”

Remember my grandfather’s words, “Experience is the greatest teacher”. Every time life hits you with something unexpected, it’s like a tennis coach hitting balls to your weak side. You may not like it, but that’s how you get better. Life isn’t trying to punish you; it’s trying to teach you. And if you keep resisting these lessons, you’ll stay stagnant, trapped in a tiny comfort zone that can’t handle the fullness of life.

What if you took a different approach? What if, instead of resisting, you welcomed every experience, even the uncomfortable ones? Wow… Can you do that?

What if you said, “Bring it on, life. I’m here to learn, to grow, to try new things every day, to expand.” Imagine how much more confident, how much more alive you’d feel. You’d become a greater being, capable of embracing all of life, not just the parts that fit your comfort zone.

So here’s what I’m suggesting: Stop trying to make life fit inside your comfort zone. Stop resisting experiences because they’re new or uncomfortable. Instead, let them in. Learn from them. Let them expand you. And most importantly, stay conscious. Notice when your mind reacts, when your emotions flare up, and remember that you are not your mind, you are not your emotions—you are the one observing them.

When you live like this, you’ll find that life becomes a gift. Every moment, every experience, becomes an opportunity to grow, to expand, to become more of who you truly are. And when you do that, you’ll discover a deep inner peace, a profound sense of joy that comes from knowing you’re capable of handling anything life throws at you.

Experience is the best teacher—don’t resist the lessons it’s offering you. Embrace them, learn from them, and let them transform you into the greatest version of yourself.

If you’d like to delve deeper into these ideas, I encourage you to join The 8AM App. Apply the discount code ‘arlin2024’ to enjoy your first month for just $1

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In the light of this truth, may we all grow from every experience and expand our comfort zones until there’s nothing left to fear.

Om, peace, amen,

Arlin

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