The Secret to a Clear Mind and a Peaceful Life

Greetings,

I want to share something that has transformed my entire life and can transform yours if you truly make an effort to grasp it. 

It's about understanding the "personal self"—that constant noise inside your head that makes life feel like a struggle. 

Once you get this concept, every problem in your life becomes clear, and your path will unfold naturally, almost effortlessly. Understanding this concept is like boarding a train that’s heading exactly where you want to go. 

The ride might not be over, but you’re on the right track, and that’s all that matters.

But here’s the catch: you can’t just intellectually understand this concept—you need to “get” it on a deeper level, where it becomes part of how you live your life. And in this letter, I’m going to try and help you get there.

Imagine you’re in the presence of someone who makes you uncomfortable. Maybe it’s a colleague, a competitor, or even your significant other. 

You start feeling uneasy, maybe anxious. 

This discomfort isn’t just something that happens when this person in your life is in your presence. Even when you’re alone, there’s a constant buzz of thoughts—worrying about what you did or didn’t do, replaying conversations, stressing about the future. 

That’s the “personal self” at work, a never-ending bubble of trouble. And it’s so constant that you don’t even notice it, just like a fish doesn’t notice the water it swims in. This noise is always there, and it’s always causing you problems.

If you’ve ever tried meditating, you’ve probably noticed this. Meditation is supposed to be about sitting quietly, doing nothing. But it’s not really quiet inside, is it? That’s because your mind is always busy, always doing something. The personal self is always chattering away about what you want, what you don’t want, how things should have been, and how they should be in the future.

Let’s call this whole mess “the personal.” It’s your own personal bubble of thoughts, feelings, and reactions. 

And it’s deeply problematic.

And when you stand in the presence of the special someone and feel discomfort, that’s the personal self reacting. 

You notice that, right? 

But here’s the important part: “who” notices? That’s you—the real you. You’re the one who sees the “personal self”, your EGO getting all worked up. You notice jealousy, insecurity, fear, and need. And here’s the thing: these feelings are always changing, moment by moment, based on what the personal self is reacting to.

Say you’re driving and someone cuts you off. Instead of just adjusting your speed and moving on, the personal kicks in, and suddenly, you’re upset, angry, and maybe even yelling at the other driver. 

But who is this anger hurting? Not the other driver. They don’t know what’s going on inside your head… It’s hurting you. Only you!

This is the core of what I’m talking about: “the personal self is the source of all your trouble.” 

It’s always complaining, always trying to figure out how to fix things so you’ll feel better, and it’s NEVER satisfied. And as long as you’re wrapped up in the personal, you can’t be truly okay. 

The personal self is all about your past experiences, your fears, your insecurities. It’s personal because it’s unique to you, formed by your life experiences. No one else has exactly the same personal self as you do, and that’s what makes it so isolating. 

It’s all about “you”—your pain, your desires, your anxieties.

Now, let’s get to why the personal self is so negative. From the time you were young, you’ve been collecting experiences and forming opinions about how things should be. 

Since you were little you’ve been formulating and reformulating ideas at the seat of your personal self about what you need that you think will make you feel happy - what house you need, what car you need, what kind of person you’re going to marry, etc.

These opinions are based on what you’ve liked and disliked in the past, or what’s made you feel safe or threatened. Over time, these experiences build up, and you develop a personal model of how the world MUST BE for you to feel okay. Your ego, personal self says, “once i get THIS, THEN, I’ll be happy…”

But here’s the kicker: the world you live in isn’t personal!

The world doesn’t care about your personal preferences.

Like - at all! 

The world is just unfolding as it always has, based on physics, chemistry, and the laws of nature—not based on your desires. So when your personal model of how things should be doesn’t match up with how things actually are, you experience negativity.

Have you ever noticed that even when you did “get what you wanted” you somehow ended up in a situation like whack-a-mole where the moment you got what you thought would make you feel good actually created a new problem?

You see, the personal self is negative because it’s constantly clashing with reality. 

Reality doesn’t cater to your personal preferences, so you’re always disappointed, always finding something else wrong. And this is why the personal self is ALWAYS unhappy. It’s trying to control the uncontrollable. It wants the weather to be perfect, your relationships to be perfect, your job to be perfect. 

But life just doesn’t work that way.

Most people live their entire lives this way, trapped in the personal. They try to control the world around them to make themselves feel better, but it never works. Again and again you think, “But no… this isn’t true for ME… if I had more money, more success, the perfect relationship, then I’d be happy.” 

But deep down you know that when you get what you want, it’s never enough. 

The personal self ALWAYS finds something else to worry about, something else to fix.

So, what’s the alternative? The alternative is to get rid of the personal self. To transcend it. 

This doesn’t mean destroying it or fighting with it. It means learning to not pay attention to it. It means realizing that the personal self is not who you are. You are the one who notices the personal self. You are the awareness behind it, and that awareness is pure, peaceful, and free.

When you transcend the personal, you stop reacting to life through the filter of your past experiences and insecurities. You start experiencing life directly, as it is, without the distortion of the personal. And that’s when everything changes.

Instead of being wrapped up in your personal drama, you become present in the moment. You start to see life as it truly is—a beautiful unfolding of experiences. 

When you transcend the personal, you wake up in the morning and instead of worrying about the day ahead, you’re simply grateful to be alive. You start to appreciate the simple things, the things you took for granted before.

This is what it means to live an impersonal life.

It’s about being fully present in the moment, experiencing life directly without the constant chatter of the personal self. It’s a life filled with gratitude, peace, and joy—free from the chains of fear and desire. It’s a life where you’re no longer a slave to the mind’s endless demands but liberated to experience life as it truly is.

So, how do you get there? The concept is simple, but the practice requires dedication.

You begin by noticing the personal self whenever it arises.

You don’t need to battle it or force it to change.

Simply acknowledge it and allow it to be.

Then, gently redirect your attention. Focus on the present moment, on what is actually happening right now, right in front of you.

Not what your mind is telling you about the moment, not the stories your personal self is spinning...

But ask, “what is the moment itself asking of me?”

EXAMPLE - Let’s say you’re at the beach, and it’s a really windy day.

Your mind starts up: “Why does it have to be so windy? I’m getting sand in my face! These waves are too rough—how can I enjoy this? I want to leave! Bah humbug!”

Instead of getting caught in this mental spiral, try something different. Look at the waves and notice—hey, this could be fun. Others are out there enjoying themselves... Maybe I can too.

Let go of the mind’s complaints and just dive in. Splash around. Let loose.

With practice, the grip of the personal self will begin to loosen. It will start to recede, and in its place, you’ll find a natural state of peace and clarity. You’ll become stronger within, more centered, and better equipped to handle whatever life brings your way.

This is the true path of spiritual growth—not trying to change the world to suit your personal preferences, but transcending the personal self altogether. When you do this, you’ll find that life becomes a beautiful journey, full of surprises and wonders, rather than a series of problems or inconveniences to solve.

So, I encourage you to start this journey. Pay attention to the personal self, but don’t let it run your life. Start living in the moment, with gratitude for the experience of being alive. And watch as your life transforms in ways you never imagined possible.

Let’s catch up soon, and if you’re enjoying these letters,  I’d love to hear how this resonates with you. Please share it to your instagram story and tag me! And / or DM me your feedback on instagram, I read and respond to almost all DMs.

Best,  

Arlin

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