the days when you feel like you suck

I’m typing this from the rooftop edition hotel in west hollywood LA.

I saw a tweet from buddy jordan welch about the superiority of hotel breakfast over cafes, and its true.

especially here at the edition LA, its vibe here.

Today is already going a lot better than yesterday - yesterday I had one of those days that I don't normally report and talk about.

Because most of the time my content is in like a visual medium, and I rarely show the type of day that I had yesterday.

This type of day I had is relatively rare. I would say it happens maybe once every 45 to 90 days, depending on the stage of life that I'm at.

And it was one of these days where I just felt like I just sucked.

I didn't get a great sleep the night prior.

And so ultimately, I just felt really shitty. Like, I was very tired, lackadaisical. Every time I tried to focus on something, I just couldn't.

The most productive thing that I did the entire day was actually go get a coffee and write yesterday’s email. And then after that, I just like… every time I tried to focus, I just couldn't. I was scrolling reels for probably a total of an hour and a half, which is horrific. And I hate to even admit that.

And I just had this overwhelming feeling of like, “I can't focus. I don't know what to do today. I feel set back, I feel unaccomplished.”

And sure, I knew that I had had a long weekend—obviously you guys know I was out for the Halloween parties and everything. And honestly, they were worth the backlash I was experiencing on this shitty day.

The worst part about this type of day though is that you feel isolated. You kind of feel like, ‘am I the only one that is this stupid and this dumb and this much of a loser?’

And I kind of laugh as I type that.

But yeah.

The only thing that really kind of brought me back to a better state of energy, at least for a moment, was playing piano. I played piano a little bit. But for the most part, I just felt like absolute shit.

So then later in the evening, I texted one of my friends who runs a very successful company and he gave me a call, and we were just kind of discussing a current event. And then I just said to him, "Hey dude, do you ever have days where you just feel like you're stupid? Like, do you ever have days where you just feel like absolute shit and you're like, why am I this much of a loser?"

And he goes, "Dude, I have those days all the time."

Now keep in mind, this is a guy whose company makes tens of millions of dollars a year. He lives in a NYC penthouse. He's raised a lot of money and he's got a gorgeous model girlfriend and friends globally. He’s literally successful.

And yet he still has this thought that he feels like he's the only one that is stupid.

And I think that's a key thing, because I think we often compare ourselves to what we see others doing and what others are winning, and we obviously never see their dark days.

It reminds me of when I was, I think I was maybe in like Peewee A or something like that playing ice hockey growing up – about 13 years old. And my ass-head coach, one time after we all had a really bad game, he came up to us in the locker room, and he said he wanted us to go home, look ourselves in the mirror, and say to ourselves, "I suck, I suck, I suck," three times like that.

And so this whole idea of like ‘down talk’, I think obviously we tend to think it's like a bad thing, but it's kind of... I look at it as like a thing of polarity.

You go through life and if every day is sunny all the time, then there's no appreciation of the rainy days, if that makes sense.

So I think that once in a while, if you find yourself having a day where you're like, man, I just absolutely suck. I'm a loser. I'm an embarrassment. I think that's okay because then you really remember what’s required to have a good day…

You know, as long as they're not happening once a week, right 😅

Bad days remind you of how your INPUTS have consequences.

If you’re smart, you remember that the reason the day was bad was because you didn't sleep well, you ate shit food, or you just pushed it too hard for too long and haven’t rested in a while.

So I think it's okay—maybe it's not good, but it's at least okay—to have these days where you think that you suck because it helps you reorganize and re-emphasize the importance of the food, the sunlight, the books, the positive habits and self-talk that you have.

In doing this, I went back and I redid my master vision in Maxi and I feel a lot more clear today than I did yesterday. You can checkout Maxi to help re-organize your life and vision and sign up for $1 here.

Dark days can reveal the light in you. And that's a pretty deep concept. It’s actually a core concept of jewish Kabbalah. But that’s a different email.

The more darkness you experience, the more space you let in for the light of God.

That's my message for today.

-Arlin